Through My Eyes
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Beginnings Let�s see where should I start�.I�d say at the very beginning but that�s not really feasible, so I�ll just start. My mom has Alzheimer�s disease and since December 24th she�s been in a convalescent hospital. Mom�s illness has taken a huge toll on my dad and me. I feel like we�ve both aged a hundred years. I�ve known for a while that mom would eventually have to go into a convalescent home, but I kept hoping that we�d be able to keep her home as long as we could. Selfish I know but, I just wasn�t ready to lose my mom yet and as long as she was home I still had her with me. More often than not she doesn�t even know who I am anymore and that hurts beyond belief. I had hoped to have her by my side for all my important events�.wedding, children�but that won�t happen now. I find myself easily moved to tears these days. The littlest things can set me off. At least I know mom is well taken care of, now I need to start taking care of meLet�s see where should I start�.I�d say at the very beginning but that�s not really feasible, so I�ll just start. My mom has Alzheimer�s disease and since December 24th she�s been in a convalescent hospital. Mom�s illness has taken a huge toll on my dad and me. I feel like we�ve both aged a hundred years. I�ve known for a while that mom would eventually have to go into a convalescent home, but I kept hoping that we�d be able to keep her home as long as we could. Selfish I know but, I just wasn�t ready to lose my mom yet and as long as she was home I still had her with me. More often than not she doesn�t even know who I am anymore and that hurts beyond belief. I had hoped to have her by my side for all my important events�.wedding, children�but that won�t happen now. I find myself easily moved to tears these days. The littlest things can set me off. At least I know mom is well taken care of, now I need to start taking care of me. My therapist says I have 2 distinct sides to my personality. One is the highly organized, pulled together one that is usually in control of everything. Then there�s the little me. The one who�s not confident, who is constantly second guessing herself, who looks for approval, and wants only to be held and taken care of. I rarely let my little me out, because I�m so afraid to let people see how much I�m hurting. I�ve always been the one who takes care of everyone else and suddenly I can�t make everything work. I�m struggling to make a life for myself and yet care for my parents. I know the time will come when they�ll both be gone and if I don�t have my own life I�ll have nothing at all. That scares me; I don�t want to be all alone. |